Is it wrong that I feel like I’m dying inside, even though my life is okay? I mean, my parents aren’t split up, nobody died, we’re not broke… yet I frequently shut myself in the closet, cry until I can’t, and inflict pain on myself. I feel like I’m insane, like maybe there’s a screw loose.
It bugs me when people make a big deal about being “depressed”, which is sadly very common these days. Half of them don’t know what it feels like to cry yourself to sleep on a daily basis. They don’t know what it feels like to actually think you’re insane and should get help for it, to not be able to tell anyone because you’re afraid they will think you’re trying to get attention.
It’s like being stuck in the middle of heaven and hell, and it’s so freaking hard. It’s so hard to make people think you’re happy when you’re really just shattered glass being held together by thin tape, and each piece is slowly falling off day by day and one day- it’s all going to come down.
Why do you think I wear headphones and jackets all the time? The less I can listen and feel, the less I can cry. Why do you think I’m so quiet? The quieter I am, the less people will notice when I break down.
Thinking you’re crazy makes you go actually go crazy, after a while. It fills you with pain. The pain shouldn’t be there, especially when you have a good life and a good family.
The only thing that isn’t good is me.